Job Application for Politician
To the most Honourable , the Speaker of the House 1876
On seeking Employment for the Public Good
Let me assure you that my son is of the best breeding, has attended the finest schools that money could buy and has grasped the basics of life.
I pray therefore that you look kindly upon this note of a father written in desperation for his sons future . Forsooth , having applied him to the law and articled him to one of the best in the Temple I am at a loss as to his future . In breeding him I have created a congenital idiot, deprived of common sense, empathy or insight . I beg your indulgence in this matter for I fear for the future of not only my son, but the common wealth of this State if my son is not supervised in his daily activities.
Having observed the activities of the current parliament and the vigour applied by your parties whip in all matters State , it seems fitting that such a young man should find company among others of his kind where he may benefit from the ministrations of careful advisors and gentlemen who know how to deal with such as mine .
I pray therefore, dear Sir, that you may find a seat in your party for him for such light work will not labour his mind and the hours being long will prevent his wandering to the annoyance of the public at large. Only with such effort may the name of my family and the long term welfare of my son be assured for life does not treat ‘idiots’ kindly when found wandering at large and without strict supervision.
Let me assure you that my son will strictly comply with those small details as parliamentary votes , committee meetings and other trivia for having no mind of his own he willingly complies with the plans of others . Thus I lay this burden at your door and hope that by our mutual endeavour we may keep him safe from mischief and the burden of conscience, for he has none . A title and some public fame will find him comfortable for he is of private means , thus reducing the expense to the public purse .
Be not afeared of his reputation for he has none, and to date has been fortunate to escape conviction for matters too trivial to mention . In being of service to such a party as yours, he may find himself closely supervised yet not oppressed by matters of the intellect.
Yours in personal debt and lasting gratitude
From the Estate of the Late Member of the House of Commons , Sir ………… Esq
Image from the 30 Year War